Big Changes

A couple of days ago I finished a small quilted thing that I started in 2005.

Six years ago at my first art retreat I had signed up for a class with a noted calligrapher who painted/wrote on fabric and incorporated it into her art...Lisa Engelbrecht. I was new to creating (anything) and wanted to say so much with this little calligraphic piece.

Do you ever have the same high hopes for a course you want to take?

I read the outline of the day-long class, decided on a theme, found materials and fabrics that supported my vision (I think mine had to do with gardening) and I anticipated this class with great expectations.

While I really enjoyed the day, learned a lot about paint and fabric, was enchanted with Lisa's sweet nature...the work I meant to produce that day never took shape. I still have a few really lovely pieces of muslin with gorgeous swoops of paint and writing on them, but in six years I never did a thing with them.

Until last week.

(Oh, I know I should be working! I've started a new business that needs all of my spare time and then some.)

But I have been feeling the call of creativity that my email business isn't quite fulfilling. So last week I tidied up my craft room and found a project to finish; since I have so many of those!

I've always said it's the projects that are half-finished that will quickly get your creative juices going again. But now I've proved that there is a shelf life to every project. Sometimes you have to move on.

This is one of those projects. While I like certain pieces of this little quilt, it's not who I am. Anymore. If ever. Weird.

The original quote stated something like "[Nature still does the same old thing it always did], it is only I who have changed." A common theme, right? in nature poetry. I'm reading the poems of Mary Oliver these days; that must be why I wanted to resurrect this thing. And so it goes.

But my foray back into art fell flat, I think. I don't like the colors, the layout, etc. It seems so studied and strained. It doesn't sing. Well, why should it? That's where I am, too -- not singing.

Last night I had that old urge to create again. (Two times in one week makes me think something's a-brewin'.) Then I went to my craft room and picked and pulled at a few painted journal pages (from long ago) and made myself frustrated all over again. How can I want this so much and yet feel that there is nothing there? So I went to bed, grabbing a few art-zines from my ancient stash as I went. I snuggled in and read.

Some of the zines were published by Teesha Moore, a woman who lives her art if I've ever met one. The first issue of Art and Life (yeah, in fact that's the name of her series from oh, 2007/08 or so) is full of inspiration about being true to your creative instinct. I re-read it and felt like I could do anything I set my mind (instinct, rather) on.

Well, maybe I'm going to create something here soon. Maybe I'm going to write. I don't know.

All I know is I am a completely different person from 6 years ago. So much has changed. My kids, my country, my marriage, my prayer life, my friendships, my schools, my neighborhood... and me.

Maybe the person inside this skin wants to create in a different way from the way I wanted to create 6 years ago. It wouldn't surprise me.

Life: bring it on. I'm ready for anything.

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